And When Morning Comes
by jaewalkerr
Summary: After wandering for hours, she looked up at where she ended up: her Captain's front door. / Drabble. ShunNao


Nanao was lying in bed beside her boyfriend, 2 in the morning, but her thoughts were filled with things other than him. She felt apologetic to him; she liked him, she really did, but she didn't love him. He was sweet, he was caring, and a perfect gentleman, but he wasn't _him_. And he knew it too.

She slowly crept out of bed, not wanting to wake the man sleeping beside her. Throwing on an old haori, she slipped onto the streets of Seireitei.

Nanao visited the shrine that they would visit every winter to commemorate her parents. She went to the tree they would always sit under on nice spring days and spend hours bantering. She walked by the riverbed they would spend their summer afternoons with some sake and food beside them.

After wandering for hours, she looked up at where she ended up: her Captain's front door. She put her hand on the door handle, debating whether or not to use his spare key. Nanao flinched as she felt reiatsu approaching her direction. Not wanting to get caught outside her captain's quarters late at night without her boyfriend, she swiftly slipped inside.

"Nanao-chan, what are you doing here?" He whispered as he walked out of his bedroom, resisting the urge to brush her bangs out of her face.

"I don't know, I was just thinking and somehow I ended up here." She flashed him a small smile before lowering her gaze back to the floor.

"Yare, yare, Nanao-chan. It's 4 in the morning, what were you thinking about for you to end up here?" He put his hand on the small of her back, leading her to his kitchen. "She's asleep, let's talk out here. Do you want some tea?"

Nanao wanted to find a hole and crawl into it. She looked at the glistening ring on his finger. How could she have forgotten? "Sorry. I really should be going. Sorry."

"It's alright, Nanao-chan." His deep voice rung in her ears. "Does Ukitake know you're here?"

She shook her head, "No, he was asleep when I left."

"He's going to be upset when he finds out you went out so late." He smiled at her, "Especially if he knew you were with me."

A pregnant silence filled the room. Neither of them knew what to say.

"I should be leaving." She got up and started heading for the door, but was stopped by a large pair of arms enveloping her small frame. "Shunsui, I – Captain Commander, you shouldn't be doing this."

"Nanao-chan, it sounds so good to hear you say my name." He whispered, breath tickling her neck. "Did you dream of me? Of us? Is that why you're here?"

"Captain Commander, please don't do this." She closed her eyes, not wanting tears to start falling.

He turned her around and gently lifted her head up so her eyes would meet his earnest ones. "Did you go to the shrine? And our tree? Did you walk by the riverbed on your way here too?"

Nanao knew that she didn't need to answer him for him to know. He knew her too well. "Captain Commander, your wife is waiting for you in bed. We have a meeting tomorrow morning. You should go, I'll see myself out." She tried to say firmly as she took his hands off her face. She fought the urge to throw herself in his strong arms and let his lips kiss her senseless. She resisted the need for his tender touch.

Shunsui lifted his hands to her face again, and gently brushed his thumb over her lips. She closed her eyes as he begun to close the distance. He knew she shouldn't do this. He knew that he now had a wife, and she was seeing his friend. He knew, but he still wanted to kiss those soft lips of hers, to hold her in his arms until the sun rose. Goodness, she makes it so hard for him to stay faithful to his wife. He almost closed the distance between them until he looked at her sweet face and was reminded why their relationship had ended.

Nanao opened her eyes as he sighed and saw him smile bitterly with his eyes looking away from her, "Sorry, Nanao-chan. You're right. Ukitake is waiting for you. "

She shoved him. "You always do this. You always just give up. You gave up on me once already. I was ready to give in, I was ready to say 'screw the world'. Why did you just give up like that? The moment I closed my eyes, I was ready to give everything up for you. Why didn't you just kiss me?" She knew she was incoherent, but she didn't care. Nanao just wanted him.

He looked up at her and reached for her again, only to put his hand back down. "Sweet Nanao, you know I would give the world for you. But don't forget, you walked away and told me that you would never be happy with me. So why would I do that to you? I want nothing more than your happiness and if that means giving you up then I would do it. You should probably throw away that old haori too, Ukitake wouldn't want to see you wearing it."

He said her name. He said her name without any silly attachments. Just her name.

"You're serious. You don't want anything to do with me." She trembled as she gave him his old haori back, "Sorry to bother you, Captain Commander. I'll be taking my leave. I'll see you at the meeting tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Nanao-chan." He whispered something else as she was leaving, but she was too out of it to care. She dashed out of there.

.x.x.x.

Nanao sat under their tree in the chilly fall weather, tears streaming down her face. She hated feeling weak, so she never cried. But this time, she couldn't hold back the tears.

The wars were over and they were happy. He had confessed his romantic attraction to her seriously for once as he was severely injured, unsure whether or not he'd have another chance to do so. She accepted his confession, and they had begun dating (or courtship, as he would call it).

Contrary to popular belief, Nanao was the one to kiss him first. Shunsui treated her like a princess and took things slow because he knew that everything was new to her. He wanted her to experience everything and regret nothing. He told her to take things at her pace, and when she was ready, then they'll experience other things together. So when she was ready a year after they started dating, she kissed him.

He took her out for romantic dinners, and late night walks by the riverbed. He would never fail to walk her home, even if she was a capable lieutenant, because before she was a shinigami, she was his most precious woman. He would spend days at the library with her when she wanted to read. He would shower her with surprise gifts, mostly consisting of new books from the world of the living that she showed interest in. He would let her indulge in whatever she wanted. He would pay for every trip she went on with the Shinigami Women's Association. He never glanced at another woman and remained sober for the most part.

So what went wrong along the way?

He had proposed to her, and she ran away. She loved him, she did, but she wasn't ready to commit for life yet. She was still young, and she didn't want the responsibilities that came with marrying a high noble. So after she ran away, he took it badly and drank the night away at a local bar with his best friend.

Shunsui was a popular man. He was a noble with the rank of a captain, and women flocked to his side. But even then, he had rejected all their advances. He called it a night and went back to his quarters. Ukitake went to Nanao to attempt to assure her that he was alright.

Or at least, that was his intention in the beginning. Ukitake had quite a bit to drink himself, and when he found Nanao in her quarters, donned only in a nightdress, he had accidentally said, _if it were me, I would never make you feel this way._ He also accidentally kissed her, and to his surprise, she hugged him.

It was only at that moment she noticed Shunsui standing at her door. If she wasn't so used to his reiatsu, she wouldn't even had known he was there at all.

It was a few days later when he finally stopped avoiding her.

"Sorry for dropping by without a warning." He had said.

He wasn't mad at her, and that made her angry. She had said things that she didn't mean. She told him that she realized she would never be happy with him.

"Dear Nanao, you should've told me that earlier. I'm sorry for making life so hard for you." He said earnestly. His eyes were glossy, and she never felt worst in her life. Her captain was such a strong man that has been through so much, it didn't seem like anything would faze him, but he seemed so broken at the time.

Until now.

She hugged her knees and cried as she recalled what he said earlier. She wished that she could take back what she said, because she would never be happy unless it was him. But she knew she could wish and wish, and nothing would change.

Nanao looked up as she felt something draped over her shoulders. His haori. It still smelled like him. It wasn't the old one that she had earlier, but another one. She looked down and saw his old haori there. He knew that wearing his haori made her feel better. He always knew everything, and he was always there.

But he was gone though. And this time, she heard him.

"_I'll always love you."_

And when morning comes, they'll only be captain and lieutenant.

* * *

I've always found it weird that even after 2000 years, Shunsui still calls his friend by his last name. It's always, 'Ukitake', never Jyuushiro. It's weird.

And rather than having Shunsui unfaithful, I wanted to write something where Nanao was the one who was in the wrong.

Thanks for reading!

With much love,

Jadyn


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